Maura MacNeil is the author of the poetry collections: A History of Water (Finishing Line Press, 2007) and Lost Houses (Aldrich Press, 2016). She is founder of off the margins (offthemargins.com), a website that features writing and reflection on the life of an artist from women who “fearlessly tell the truth and risk vulnerability to give voice to their experience.” Her poetry, prose, and critical writing has been published and anthologized in numerous publications over the past three decades including Poet Showcase: An Anthology of New Hampshire Poets; Voices from the Frost Place Volume II; On Our Own, and Shadow and Light: An Anthology of Memory. Maura is a professor of creative writing at New England College in Henniker, NH.
What You Will Need to Know About His Dying
In the days following your husband’s death you will be breathless. You will struggle for air, especially when you wake in the middle of the night. The gasping sounds from your body will be unfamiliar at first. The sounds will move through the room like wind and people will rush to your side and touch you. You should know this because you will think you too are dying but you will not. Not right now. Remember that: you will but not right now. You might stop moving or you will move too much. You’ll believe you will never leave your bed again or your body might insist on moving so you will stop sleeping and as you vacuum your rugs in the middle of the night you will miss dreaming. When the time comes to move beyond your home you should not drive. Your friends should drive you anywhere you want to go. If you try to drive alone you will find yourself on the side of the road blinded by the past that stares you down in every spot you ever passed with your husband. You will remember how you held his right hand as he drove with his left. You will become distracted and will get lost easily and will have to depend on strangers to guide you home.